The Top 2

Ok, this isn't going to be like my regular posts because I'm so strongly biased at this point, and those original songs were asstastic. Seriously, I have a hard time judging performances when songs suck that hard. I think Carrie and Bo were about even last night, but I just like Bo so much more. That's all there is to it. Carrie should not have sung that "Independence Day" dreck, like Simon said, she should have sung "Cryin'." Bo's performance of "Vehicle" was good, but I wish he had done "In a Dream" again, though it might have been too soon after last week. "I Don't Wanna Be" would have been good as well. The original songs: "Long Road" and "Angels Brought Me Here" were so incredibly banal and cheesy, and I am WAY too amused by "Inside Your Heaven." "I wanna be inside your heaven" sounds like the world's most disturbing pickup line. However, I think Bo did much better than Carrie on that song, he made it sound like an old school Mr. Big ballad rather than a Leann Rimes b-side. Anyway, I felt like last night was pointless, I want Bo to win but I'm not sure if he will, and I think they'll both be successful. Note: was Bo sporting some kind of cross tattoo on his upper chest? If so, Feds must be kicking himself for missing such an awesome opportunity to highlight his trach.

The Top 3

Last night's show was extremely entertaining, and not just because of the appearance of Mr. Potato Head and his Bucket of Parts, aka Clive Davis. Seriously, the man's head looks like a spud.

1. Vonzell Solomon: "I Know I'll Never Love This Way Again" (Dionne Warwick):I seriously hate this song. It's so repetitive, up and down, up and down. I wasn't overly impressed with this performance, she seemed a little shrieky. Also, the dress was a monstrosity, though it would have been very cute shorter and in a different color.

2. Bo Bice: "Don't Let The Sun Go Down" (Elton John): While this song's solar oral sex insinuations disturb me, I really do like it, and Bo sang extremely well. This song is such a Clay Aiken-esque song, so I was a bit worried, but Bo "did his thing" and made the song his own. Yes, I know I sound like a disturbing Randy/Paula hybrid, it happens. I love Bo. However, I wish he'd take off the sunglasses. He can survive without them.

3. Carrie Underwood: "Cryin'" (Roy Orbison): A note: This song was covered by K.D. Lang, and my brother was having a hard time recalling what gender Ms. Lang belongs to. Anyway, I thought Carrie also did really well on this. It was a much more subtle performance than she usually does, and I thought she sounded great.

4. Vonzell Solomon: "Chain of Fools" (Aretha Franklin): Vonzell was pretty good, but I don't think she deserved all the praise Randy gave her. I'm really sick of hearing this song on American Idol. I feel like Vonzell very rarely does risky songs and I really wish she would have tried something different.

5. Bo Bice: "In a Dream" (Badlands): I've never heard this song, but it was amazing. Bo's risks paid off, I thought his performance was fabulous. It's hard for me to make as much commentary these days when everyone is good. Anyway, nice job Bo, even my mom, who still pines for the days of Nikko, liked it.

6. Carrie Underwood: "Making Love Out of Nothing At All" (Air Supply): I was really surprised that Carrie picked Air Supply, of all bands, rather than a country song, for her personal choice. I do love Air Supply though, and Carrie did really well, except for the middle of the song, where she rocked a bit too hard and the song sounded more like "Total Eclipse of the Heart."

7. Vonzell Solomon: "On the Radio" (Donna Summer): I'm really getting bored with Vonzell. She's decent, but just nothing incredible. I'm also annoyed that the judges picked such obvious songs for their choices. Why not make Vonzell sing Queen or something? This wasn't bad, but not up to par with her competitors.

8. Bo Bice: "Satisfaction" (Rolling Stones): I just kept thinking of Britney Spears' cover of this song and giggling to myself. Anyway, this was good, but kind of a throwaway performance. I don't think this was the most challenging song, but Paula picked it, so it's not surprising.

9. Carrie Underwood: "Man! I Feel Like a Woman" (Shania Twain): Even though she's a country singer, I think Carrie does better when she sings non-country songs. Carrie started out way too low, but got better throughout. Not her best performance, but it was passable.

Best: Bo
Worst: Vonzell
It's time for Baby-V to fly, and I really hope my boy Bo wins this thing.

The Top 4

The themes this week were kind of boring, but it was still fairly decent. On with the show!

1. Carrie Underwood: "Sin Wagon"(Dixie Chicks):I've had this song stuck in my head all morning, but I don't think Carrie did that well. I just remember the girl with pink hair, Amy Adams, singing it last year, and I thought her performance was more impressive. Carrie just sounded a little weak.

2. Bo Bice: "It's a Great Day to Be Alive" (Travis Tritt): Bo, this was a poor song choice. He sang it decently, but it was a boring, boring song. It would have been great if he sang some Garth, like "The Dance" or "The Thunder Rolls." Not my favorite Bo performance.

3. Vonzell Solomon: "How Do I Live" (Trisha Yearwood): Vonzell, enough with the obvious choices! This is barely a country song, and it's so overdone. Anyway, Vonzell did not seem like herself on this song, she was weak and wobbly.

4. Anthony Federov: "I'm Already There" (Lonestar): I thought Feds would go for some Lonestar, and I was right, but I figured he'd pick "Amazed." Feds was pretty good on this, he's really been improving lately. This song kind of creeps me out with the "I'm your imaginary friend" line. I'm trying to think of a trach joke, but I got nothing. Ok, they should have a Beatles night so Feds can sing "Fixing a Hole."

5. Carrie Underwood: "If You Don't Know Me By Now" (Harold Melvin): That was boring. It's an okay song, but the performance was really dull, and as Simon said, the arrangement sucked. Carrie had a bad night.

6. Bo Bice: "For the Love of Money" (The O'Jays): This was hilarious. Seeing someone on American Idol singing the theme song from The Apprentice was just surreal. Also amusing: my mom was unaware up to Bo's performance that this was a real song. She figured it was just written for The Apprentice. Anyway, Bo did really well, I didn't get the sunglasses and sandals look, but it was good.

7. Vonzell Solomon: "Don't Leave Me This Way" (Thelma Houston): Vonzell was back to her old self, she did really well on this, and it was a fun performance. I also want to buy her top, it was so cute!

8. Anthony Federov: "If You Don't Know Me By Now" (Harold Melvin): I'm thinking Feds paid off the orchestra to get a better arrangement. Anyway, surprisingly, he outsang Carrie! This version was much more like the Simply Red version and Feds did quite well. I was amused by the key Feds was wearing around his neck. My brother said it was his "tray-KEY-otomy."

Who should go? Not sure. I thought it would be Feds, but he performed consistently well on both songs. Carrie might have been the weakest, but I doubt she'll go, nor will Bo. I'm guessing Feds or Vonzell.

The Top 5

Note: I had this update almost done, then I went to lunch, came back, and my computer froze. I hope it's as entertaining as it was in its original form. The singers each did two songs this week, a Lieber/Stoller song and a song from this week's Top 40. Unfortunately, no one did "Hollaback Girl." What I wouldn't give to see any of our Top 5 singing, "This shit is bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-s."

1. Anthony Federov: "Poison Ivy" (The Coasters): Feds has been growing on me the last few weeks, much like poison ivy. Also like poison ivy, this performance sucked. The trach was bejeweled again, and this just seemed kind of lame. I don't mind the song, but this was not the right song for Feds.

2. Scott Savol: "On Broadway" (George Benson): This wasn't bad. I'm not particularly a fan of this song, and there was some irony (not unlike rain on your wedding day) in Scott singing about not having enough to eat, but he did pretty well. I'm afraid of him though.

3. Vonzell Solomon: "Treat Me Nice" (Elvis Presley): I was surprised to see Randy get so excited, as I thought this was Vonzell's worst performance. Maybe it was because I didn't know the song, but I thought it was too much performance, not enough singing.

4. Bo Bice: "Stand By Me" (Ben E. King): Obviously, I love Bo, but this was especially good. The song was a good choice for him because it had a lot of actual singing rather than "Bo rocks out and whips around the mic stand." Given recent allegations, it would have been amusing to see Bo or Scott sing "Jailhouse Rock."

5. Carrie Underwood: "Trouble" (Elvis Presley): I thought Carrie was awesome and looked adorable, except for that creepy Ellie May Clampett sweater shrug thing she was sporting. She showed a lot of personality, and the part where she was singing "I'm evil" was hilarious.

6. Anthony Federov: "Incomplete" (Backstreet Boys): Feds, what a great song choice. Our resident singer with a hole in his neck sings about being incomplete, and the song includes the line, "Empty spaces fill me up with holes." It's like the trach jokes are writing themselves! Anyway, this song was perfect for Feds as it's the "Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely" of 2005. It's just so epic! Feds did a great job, I was surprised the judges didn't like it more. I also would have enjoyed Feds singing "Boulevard of Broken Dreams (Bo also), am I on crack?

7. Scott Savol: "Everytime You Go Away" (Brian McKnight): I had a hard time deciphering what song this was, because I didn't think Brian McKnight would sing about "homies." Anyway, the song was boring, but again, Scott was good. I hope he's gone though.

8. Vonzell Solomon: "When You Tell Me That You Love Me" (American Idol finalists): CHEATER! Vonzell, you can't sing the song that you already sang! This was a perfect opportunity for Vonzell to sing some Destiny's Child (I suppose "Lose My Breath" would be more appropriate for Feds though), and she sings a song she's already trained to sing. All cheating aside, she sang the hell out of this song.

9. Bo Bice: "Heaven" (Los Lonely Boys): Bo, I love you. This song is so overplayed, but you rocked it. I kind of figured Feds would sing this one, as he seems to like anything Latin, but Bo, as usual, was awesome. I wish I had more to say, but I don't, except that I recall a few months back someone from Los Lonely Boys gettng caught for pot possession. I guess Bo could relate.

10. Carrie Underwood: "God Bless the Broken Road" (Rascal Flatts): I love this song, and this made me so happy. Carrie sang it beautifully, and she didn't oversing it at all. It was great. It amuses me how Paula told Anthony that it's difficult to sing a song by a group when he sang Backstreet Boys, but made no such comments to Bo or Carrie.

Do I even need to say who should stay or go? I think I've made it obvious by now. Tonight is a good night, we have American Idol AND the Primetime Live "Paula Abdul slept with Corey Clark" expose. Can't wait!

The Top 6

Sorry this is coming a little late, I've been doing projects all week. First, I have to say that I'm mourning Constantine. Something happened over the last few weeks, and I think it was his performance of "Bohemian Rhapsody," that made me really, really like him. It got to the point where I was able to actually look at him while he was performing (rather than hiding my face in a pillow), and (this is difficult to admit) I actually thought he looked kind of hot on Wednesday on the results show. Scott Savol, I cannot handle you any longer, though if this site has anything to do with it, I'm somewhat amused.

So the whole Bo thing. Honestly, I'm not too distraught. The pot thing I wasn't too surprised about, he looks high most of the time. Coke, however, is sketchy. When I think of coke, I think of '80's movies with men in suits (yes, my cocaine references are limited to what I've seen in movies and afterschool specials), not my "bud" Bo. However, I am slightly amused that Bo was caught scoring coke outside a strip club. How Whiskey Tango.

Ok, the performances:

1. Carrie Underwood: "When God Fearin' Women Get the Blues" (Martina McBride): Enough with the Martina, Carrie. I am not a fan of that woman. Anyway, I honestly thought that Carrie was bad tonight. Like Randy said, she sounded off. Up to this point, I've never thought Carrie's vocals were anything short of excellent, but this was bad. I honestly think she and Savol tied for worst of the night.

2. Bo Bice: "I Don't Wanna Be" (Gavin DeGraw): Um, I love this song. There's just something amusing about Bo singing the theme song to "One Tree Hill." Anyway, I really liked this a lot, though his outfit was HORRIBLE. Bo, Mom said to set the table with the tablecloth, not WEAR the tablecloth. I was also glad to finally get confirmation on the first line of this song: "I don't need to be anything other than a prison guard's son." That's what my brother and I thought he was singing, but we thought surely we were hearing wrong. Anyway, I kind of had cognitive dissonance hearing a song that new on this show, but it was awesome.

3. Vonzell Solomon: "I Turn to You" (Christina Aguilera): This was good, but not her best. I just think that Christina has such powerful voice that it's hard to sing her songs. Vonzell has a great voice, but it's not powerful in the style that Christina's is. However, this was pretty good.

4. Anthony Federov: "Surrender" (Celine Dion): Risky undertaking, Trach, and I can't even make any trach jokes about it! However, I think it would have been awesome if he sang "Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely" or another BSB song, I think he could have rocked it. Then again, Feds could have shown his incomprehensible Latin flavor again and sung "Trach Your Bon Bon." Surprisingly, this was very good, I liked it a lot. I think Feds is pretty clueless, but he seems sweet. I don't want him to win, but I think he's got another week in him.

5. Constantine Maroulis: "How You Remind Me" (Nickelback): Ok, this performance showed how much Constantine has redeemed himself in my eyes. At the beginning of the season, I hated Mr. Maroulis and didn't even want him to make the Top 12. I especially hated all his poseur rock performances. But Wednesday night, Constantine did another poseur rock song, from the second worst poseur rock band EVER, Nickelback (the worst band is Creed), and I didn't hate it. Even though I am incredibly sick of that song, I didn't mind it. Not his best, but not awful. Yet I would have hated it a few weeks ago. Again, American Idol dishes out the cognitive dissonance. Note: Constantine's brother looks like David Byrne.

6. Scott Savol: "Dance With My Father" (Luther Vandross): I had a feeling he'd sing this, as Scott seems really set on making himself the white Luther (or Ruben). And it sucked, as usual. I've lost the ability to believe that he has talent. Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm just so bored by him.

The best: Bo
The worst: Carrie (and Scott)
Who should have gone: Scott

In my opinion, final three should be Bo, Carrie, and Vonzell. We can only hope.

The Top 7

This week's theme was "70's Dance Music." In some cases, I think the term was used loosely.

1. Constantine Maroulis: "Nights on Broadway" (Bee Gees): I couldn't stop laughing at this because all I could think of is when they do the Barry Gibb Talk Show on SNL with Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake, and this is the theme song. Anyway, I think Constantine sounded pretty good, he was just drowned out by the background music. And Constantine? The eyeliner. You looked like The Crow.

2. Carrie Underwood: "MacArthur Park" (Donna Summer): Someone left Carrie' hair out in the rain, and then she got electrocuted. She was not looking good. This song was ridiculous. However, Carrie sang it well. As usual, she did not look very connected to the song, although I don't know how you connect to that song. Side note: my dad was eating sugar wafers, and we reminisced about my kindergarten "recipe" for sugar wafers mashed up into peppermint ice cream. I busted out with, "And I'll never have that recipe agaaaaaaaaaaaain!" and my dad did the "Oh NOOOOOOOO!" quite well. Good times.

3. Scott Savol: "Everlasting Love" (Carl Carlton): Boring. I just think this song is overplayed. He didn't suck, but he's not going to win.

4. Anthony Federov: "Don't Take Away the Music" (Tavares): Oh Feds. You make this to easy for me. Obviously I was singing, "Don't Trach Away the Music." This didn't suck, but he sounded kind of. . .yelly. That might not be a word, but I've made it a word. I probably would have liked Feds if he picked a song I knew, but this song was cheeseball.

5. Vonzell Solomon: "I'm Every Woman" (Chaka Khan): Vonzell's voice is not as strong as Carrie's, but she knows how to perform and connect with a song. This was very good. There's something about her that's very charismatic and makes you want to watch her.

6. Anwar Robinson: "September" (Earth, Wind & Fire): The opening footage? Too.Much.Crotch. Anwar's left eye is kind of creeping me out, it's a bit wonky. Anyway, I love this song. Does anyone else remember (besides my entire family, because we were so entertained) a couple seasons back when Verdine from Earth, Wind & Fire was a guest judge? His hair is magical. Anyway, I think Nikko could have done this song much better, at least he could have sung the chorus! Dude, if a song's chorus is too high for you, pick a different song.

7. Bo Bice "Vehicle" (Ides of March): Though I kept thinking about the car commercial, Bo did quite well. Again, I wish he'd pick more songs that have large amounts of straight singing, but still, very, very good. I love his voice. But again, Bo, put down the mic stand. Somebody's gonna lose an eye. Question: how is this a dance song?

Best: Bo, Vonzell, Carrie
Worst: Scott, Anwar

The Top 8

First things first: Nikko was robbed.

This year's theme was "Songs From The Year You Were Born." My brother commented that it would have been better to have "Songs From The Year You Were 10," since they'd be more likely to know the songs, but this was still really good.

1. Nadia Turner: "When I Dream" (Crystal Gayle): Nadia sang this well, but I knew she'd get slammed on song choice. So many songs, and she picks this dreck? I'm sorry, but I think there could be a lot better options from 1977. "Dancing Queen" came out that year! If Nadia's out this week, I think it's her own fault for picking such a dull song. When Randy's never heard it, that's pretty obscure. Also, the way she defended her choice by talking about how she's a dreamer did not work for me.

2. Bo Bice: "Freebird" (Lynyrd Sknyrd): Bo was more Bo-like tonight, he sang this very well, but I think it could have been more exciting. It was awesome, but I would have liked to see him rock out more.

3. Anwar Robinson: "I Know I'll Never Love This Way Again" (Dionne Warwick): Better than usual, but I think I just don't like Anwar's voice. He's very nasal and he sounds kind of forced. It was a good song choice for him, but I think he might want to dial down the smiling during such a dramatic song.

4. Anthony Fedorov: "Everytime You Go Away" (Paul Young): I wanted to hate this, but I couldn't. Fedorov did a very nice job. I still feel that he doesn't have enough subtlety though, and doesn't get into the emotion of the song. I may be making sense, or I may be sounding like Paula, you be the judge. Anyway, this was really, really good. Admittedly, I was singing, "you trach a piece of me with you." Trach jokes just never get old for me.

5. Vonzell Solomon: "Let's Hear It For the Boy" (Deniece Williams): Ok, I LOVE this song, so I was quite excited, and Vonzell did it well. Maybe not her best performance ever, but it was still quite good, and part of my liking it was because it was a good, recognizable song. You hear that, Nadia?

6. Scott Savol: "She's Gone" (Hall & Oates): Of course she's gone, Scott, you threw a phone at her! Yeah, this was pretty bad. He did well on the chorus, but the verses were terrible. He was very mumbly and did not sound right. Hall & Oates are looking quite scary, by the way. Oates looks like Chapter 11 John Leguizamo with a perm. Also, Scott doesn't get any props for talking about how brave he is to be onstage. The ego will not help you.

7. Carrie Underwood: "Love Is a Battlefield" (Pat Benatar): Another song that I love, and Carrie sounded really well, very Pat Benatar-esque though she went a little crazy with the vibrato. She looked cute (love the top) but I could see where Simon's "kitten being a tiger" comment made sense. Also, her dancing was HORRIBLE. At least do the shoulder shimmy!

8. Constantine Maroulis: "Bohemian Rhapsody" (Queen): God help me but this was brilliant. I still can't look at him and found myself screaming a couple times when he looked at the camera (and please, Constantine, put that tongue back wherever it came from), but WOW. I didn't know he could do that! He just sang it so, so well, and it worked for him. However, he would have gotten bonus points for me if he included "Scaramouche, scaramouche, can you do the fandango?" Maybe next time.

The best: Constantine, Anthony
The worst: Scott, Anwar